With the new year 2022 upon us (thank god), it’s time to shed old beliefs and old patterns holding us back from living our fullest lives.
2021 I feel was THE year for breakups and divorces. If a relationship didn’t have that sturdy foundation, 2021 would be the reason it finally…collapsed.
Maybe you’re reading this during a fresh breakup, or maybe it’s been a few months since the split. Whatever the case, now’s the perfect time to get over your ex and see how much is waiting for you this year.
1. Write down all the B-S you never have to deal with anymore. During a breakup,I know we have (long) moments of romance revisionist syndrome where we think our ex is absolutely amazing, and totally The One. But the truth is, there’re a lot of things that weren’t right with you two. Maybe they had the most annoying chewing habits, or never texted you on time. Write a list of ALL the things (nothing is too small or insignificant in this list) that drove you bananas. Watch as you come up with a ton of ridiculous things that you never have to deal with.
2. Where have you been held back in life? In a lot of cases, we date people and innocently hold ourselves back from taking the “next step” in our lives. Maybe you decided “together” that you would move cities for them, only to realize you know no one post-breakup, and are wondering why you’re still living there. Maybe you delayed school, or didn’t enrol in that class because they were free on that day. Think about the ways you held your life back (in small or big ways) for them, and start thinking about going for that this year. Actually, think about how you can make the first step today.
3. Discover your relationship needs. Most of us think we date people randomly, but the truth is that we attract people on a really unconscious level. Think about what your needs in a relationship are, and where they were—or weren’t—met in your last relationship. Find clarity in what you need as a person so that you can understand how to attract the right one for you in the future, and also let go of the person who didn’t fulfil your needs the way you deserve. Go through each of these needs in order to see how many you really have. You might even laugh as you discover just how much you were dating “blindly.” (We’ve all been there.)
4. Put on some feel-good jams to lean into the experience. In order to get over your ex, you’re going to have to lean into your emotions more than you have been; this might mean creating a killer playlist, or simply clicking on this 10-hour list I made here on Spotify. Let yourself feel whatever emotions come up, and let them pass naturally. Sometimes we don’t even realize how much we suppress our emotions, so listen to these tunes, and release that old-decade energy. After all, your favourite artists always know exactly what to say.
5. Create new boundaries. Part of letting go of an ex is understanding where your boundaries were crossed in the relationship. Did you give too much? Did your ex not appreciate you the way you’d like? Did you feel like you were led by guilt a lot of the time? It happens, and I’ve experienced all of the above. It’s important that we take the time to reflect on what our boundaries are, and where they were accidentally crossed. Don’t stress—most of us learn about our boundaries once we’ve realized how much we’ve been drained by not having them in place. Did you always say yes whenever your ex asked to hang even when you had other plans in place? Look into that. Did you just give a courtesy invite to your ex because you didn’t want to feel bad for not inviting them? Check in with yourself and see what’s going on there.
I hope you enjoyed this list of 5 ways to get over your ex in 2021. If you’d like to share how you got over your breakup please share it with us!
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